I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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