i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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