halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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