I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
