hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
