i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
