Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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