And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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