Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
