She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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