Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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