my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
