we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
