Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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