Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
