please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
