So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
