I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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