Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize