he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
