Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
