Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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