Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You smell like stripper and shame
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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