he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We are all done wearing pants today
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
