so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
