Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
