Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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