He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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