I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
