So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
