how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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