just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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