Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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