You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
