Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you had me at cake vodka
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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