Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize