just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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