420 ftw
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
