Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
