remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
