Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize