i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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