it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
