i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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