if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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