he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
