new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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