I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
