I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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