He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
