this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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