your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
