jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
