i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
