The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
