I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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