im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
