I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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