Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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