no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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