Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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