Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
