Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So much rum. So many feels.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
