I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
