there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
