a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
