You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
